as many of you know, i speak thai and im thai american (both parents are thai, born and raised in the us). you may think this is an asset considering im in thailand. however, in matters of being introduced to people i work with, it totally is not.
case in point: today i was excited to go on my first field visit with PA-Thai (Project Accept Thailand), a trial that's complicated to explain, but the jist of it is that there are seven different sites (communities) in Northern Thailand and three teams: Community Mobilization, Voluntary Counseling and Testing, and Post-Test Support . The three teams go to each of the communities separately eight times (in 'rounds') over a period of two years. The point of the trial is to take community-based voluntary counseling and testing for HIV to rural communities. By doing this, the study group will obtain epidemiological data on HIV infection rates in (more) isolated communities/different ethnic groups, give HIV education to communities, and provide support for those who test positive. It's actually pretty cool, and a lot more in-depth, but I think that's enough info for now.
Today I was assigned to go to Mae Tang (a 1.5 hr drive from Chiang Mai in a 4-wheel drive vehicle) with a VCT group which consisted of a team leader, two nurses (one counselor and one lab person to do the HIV rapid tests), and the driver. The head of the whole VCT group also rode in our van. She also has 'porn' in her name and her nickname is Bee. Anyway, she was super nice to me and spent a long time explaining the VCT component to the trial to me including the different ethnic communities they were working in, what the data had shown so far, and how they were trying to make modifications in their work based on the previous two 'rounds' (they're on their third round, or third time through the communities right now). After this intro, she had to go do QC at the other site (where the other Fogarty fellow was) but I tagged along to see it since it was in a Lahu (ethnic minority) community.
I was there briefly but got sent back to the original site in the event that there were cases I could sit in on. The original site has 50% Thai speakers, so Bee thought that there was a good chance that I could understand if someone came to get tested. Alas, there were zero cases. However, that is not my rant.
A nurse and our driver talking at the rapid test table
The community center where the VCT was set up in Mae Tang
My rant is that in the 6 hrs I spent at the site (consisting of an open air room with aluminum ceiling and mats to sit on on the floor), hardly anyone talked to me. I tried initiating conversation multiple times but no one was interested even though they were clearly bored out of their minds. I eventually ended up taking a long nap instead and reading 'Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell', which I left in the car on the way back home (Grrr). I was told that some people on the team were disappointed that I was chosen to be with the team because they originally had thought I was Thai and they wanted to speak English. I told them multiple times to speak English to me but they refused. They also asked me if my English was any good when I first met them (I was like, yeah, I'm American). Finally, they all got up to go buy snacks at a local store but didn't invite me. When they were halfway down the road, I was like, "Where are they going?" The person they left in charge of the VCT booth was like, "Oh, to buy snacks. Do you want anything?" I was like, whatever.
Meanwhile, people talk to the other fellow all the time. I know because I was at the other site (although the two ethnic minority ppl talked to me there) and also from conversations with him. I am not mad at the other fellow or jealous, I'm just frustrated with the situation. The situation being that I am not viewed as being 'cool' or 'interesting' or 'worthy of really talking to' because I can actually speak Thai and my parents are Thai. This happened to me when I was working in Bangkok and two Dutch students came for the summer to do a study on HIV+ children. They spoke no Thai but everyone wanted to be seen with them and/or hang out with them/help them in every way they could. I only ever went out with the non-white staff there once, and that was with the Dutch girls, even though I had been working there for a year. I tried to explain this to Poo, the ID fellow, but she didn't really get it. She likes me, anyway, but it's sad sometimes to only have one friend.
She's a good friend though. She invited me to ID Journal Club yesterday. It was pretty informal - just me, her, the resident who gave the presentation, and the attending doc who also happens to be the head of the Research Institute for Health Sciences (where I'm based) and the ID Dept. I had scanned the paper quickly before the presentation and was able to make some semi-intelligent comments. Poo noted that the attending thought I was diligent (score!). I was also introduced to this Chinese resident, Helen, who was born and raised in the UK. She married a Thai dude (his family owns this huge mall here and is mega-loaded) and then moved to Chiang Mai, where she's doing a neuro residency. Craziness. I am trying to figure out who her Thai teacher was (she can read and write and is totally fluent) and maybe will look into some of the data the neuro dept collects on intracranial mass lesions in HIV+ patients (med ppl: mostly toxo, crypto, some TB). I really like ID. I am going to do it (this is probably not a surprise to any of you). :)
2 comments:
Man, this still strikes me as super-weird. I suppose Connie's prolly right-the initial veneer of novelty offered by a farang is likely to wear thin over time, while your own insights will (hopefully) let you integrate in with the community as time passes. Heh, hopefully true for Zulus too.
Tanya, I totally feel for you! The same thing happens to me when I work in Vietnam. It's one thing to work with locals and another to socialize with them. I can understand how hurtful it is to have what you would think to be your own people, reject you when you've bent over backwards and invested so much in being there. It's more than just a challenge to overcome. This kind of treatment questions your very identity. It's like you aren't authentic Thai like they are and yet, not really American either.
Maybe it's hard for white people to understand this dynamic. I've found that friends who've ventured abroad find it very frustrating to be so obviously different and the language barrier insurmountable. While it's no fun to be the freak show, I have to say for many of us Asian Americans that's a common, everyday experience (hello, we live in Michigan). It's just crazier when we visit our "homelands." You'd think we would catch a break there but it's difficult in a different way. That and our crazy pale Midwestern skin gives us away as totally not being Southeast Asian nationals.
Hang in tight, Tanya. Know that you're doing good work and that your community is a global one. I'm sending lots of love from me, baby Jaegun, and Dug!
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